11-3-10

I'm torn, sad, and discouraged. I keep saying that this is not a diet. This is a lifestyle change. My plan was to go on this three week meal plan, drop serious pounds, and continue with a healthier lifestyle from there. Perhaps I'm just fooling myself. I still haven't weighed myself since my first week because I've been scared of disappointment.

I also feel discouraged because I feel that I have possibly already blown this. I am a big believer in doing things, wholeheartedly. If I do something I am going to give it my all. On Saturday when I went to the concert I was out all day. During that time I ate out THREE times. While none of my meals were what I would deem at all unhealthy, only one of them fit into my strict meal plan. This evening I ate at Chili's for dinner. I opted for the bottomless soup and salad. Again, my meal was fairly healthy but it didn't fit into this plan. I'm disappointed in myself.

I think I'm looking for a miracle "drop 20 lbs in a brief time period" sort of change. I saw hope for that with this meal plan. I'm beginning to lose faith in myself to stick to it as a black and white thing, though, nor am I even sure if that's what I want anymore. Tonight a dear friend of mine confided in me that when she has gone on "crash" things like this in the past it has slowed her metabolism down to a point that she can hardly allow herself to eat "normally" without gaining weight. The last thing I want is to slow my metabolism down even more!

Maybe there isn't a quick answer. Maybe this won't be a fast change. Maybe I just need to start NOW with making better choices and watching my portions. I know that working out is a good thing, also, and I definitely plan to continue that.

I wish I could continue my optimism about this, but right now I just feel discouraged.

**POSITIVE NOTE**

I just braved it and stepped on the scale. This is the end of the day, and I have generally been weighing myself in the morning. Good news. I, at the END of the day, weigh exactly the same as I did one morning last week. Apparently I am still dropping (or at least maintaining] weight even when I allow myself minor "splurges". I suppose the number on the scale tonight was good or bad, depending on how I choose to look at it.